Whatever they do out there, whatever is going through their head, make them know they’re loved, remind them of that every single day, and let them feel guilty about it.
That’s the key.
To killing the fear, insecurity, lust, pride or whatever monster they’ve built within them, you’ve got to love them right.
There are people who are scared, so so scared of falling in love, because they don’t want to be seen as weak and vulnerable. People often claim to be single and happy, but deep down in their soul they long to be loved and cared for, to be called “my own, my world”, to be someone’s peace, which is such a beautiful thing.
Many people go into a relationship as a rebound, without having healed from the past, they take with them the hurt, the anger, the pain, the memories, insecurity and everything wrong their previous relationship on to the next one without recovering from their past and making peace with themselves. Without forgiving first themselves and then their ex before making another move. I’ve heard divorce cases and relationship stories of what went wrong, but none of them, I mean absolutely none, except in the case of brutality and violence, make any sense. It’s either as a result of pride, misunderstanding, selfish interest, or other similarly stupid reasons. We are always going through one heartbreak or the other, and for some people at some point it becomes too much. They turn cold, their hearts are numb, and they can’t give in to love anymore because they’ve been broken and cannot self-repair.
The world today is in chaos because so many of us have given into the weaker version of ourselves, which is hate and indifference, and we’ve allowed pride, ambition and money to take the place of love.
That’s why we’d rather spend hard-earned money on sex workers, drugs, and other easy ways of releasing stress, other than settling our differences and bringing out the Best version of ourselves and our partner.
Sometimes it’s not our fault. There are people who grow up in homes where there’s no love, so they don’t understand it, as they haven’t experienced it. It’s like growing up in Europe and not knowing anything about Africa and it’s weather. It’s an experience you cannot know without going through it.
I myself never knew the power of this emotion until I fell in love. Love makes life colorful, and without it life is truly colorless and meaningless.
While I was growing up, I was told that people always want something, and that there’s always a reason why they want you or love you. It could be that you are cute, talented, tall, fair, funny, attractive, sexy, good looking, whatever, but there must be something, you just can’t be loved for no reason. And so I grew up understanding that no one is going to love you or even like you unless you are something. Wish I had held on to that belief much longer, but that’s a story for another day.
The truth is, love is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt, I mean being in love is truly like flying without wings, and it can happen for no reason.
Those who have loved truly know what I am talking about. This is not some lust or some infatuation, but the kind of love that gives you panic attack if you don’t hear from the one you love, even for a single day. I know most mothers would say “yeah”… but I’m not just talking about the love for a child or newborn. But okay, let’s use the love for a child as an example, such that when you lose that child you could lose your senses. This was the case of Dorothy Turner, who experience a full psychotic break following the death of her thirteen weeks old son, Jericho.
But it’s not only the love of a mother for a lost child that can drive a person crazy. True love, the love for no reason, is a powerful weapon, one that could destroy and make a person. Love is like a fire, something that can give warmth and sustain life, but can also burn, and even kill you, if handled incorrectly.
Most times, love requires exclusivity, but when trust is in short supply, or when one of the partners has succumbs to lust or temptation, love breeds jealousy that could spin out of control. In that way, many people have been hurt, even destroyed, by love gone wrong.
A friend of mine once asked how I stay faithful in a relationship and don’t even think of cheating.
My response is to ask, why do you cheat? How does that make you feel, what’s the point of having an affair with someone who’s not your partner, what pleasure do you derive. At the risk of being blunt, I think all pussies are the same, I am yet to come across a pussy that tastes like vanilla, or another that tastes like chocolate, for example. OK, it’s either wide or tight, but once you’ve climaxed it really makes no difference, the desire and pleasure are equally gone. On other other hand, being exclusive gives me a sense of belonging, which I love, and which makes me trust myself even more.
I’ve always thought of cheating to be time-consuming and a frankly a waste of time, a pretty bad investment. There’s always an urge to look outside and do something crazy, but that’s our human instinct -to desire- and it’s up to us to control and check that desire. Sometimes I make out three times in a day, and that’s because I might be having this longing, or lust over someone and I really need to get that off my mind. So whenever someone is trying to get me to do something crazy or when I notice I’m lusting over a friend or a colleague I immediately call my partner and tell them what’s up, and I tell them how horny I am, and then I begin to work my magic with the sex talk and all that till I get home to unleash this desire. And as the day breaks I spice up my day with some morning sex, around 3,4,5am so I could get ready for the day. I make sure this goes on for a while till I’m out of lust and the temptation to cheat is gone.
This also gives my partner no room to want to lust outside, as we try to spice up this relationship with sex. I know it’s not a full-proof method, but it’s good that you remind your partner how much you love and desire them. You show them, make them feel guilty of such love. Show them what they mean to you and what it’d do to you if they break their promises.
It’s true some people could become entitled when you give them this care and attention, and then they start believing that they deserve it, and instead of being grateful they act like you are just fulfilling an obligation. So remember at some point, you have to make them desire you. If your love does not guilt them, at some point you need to step back, let them question what is wrong and why you withdrew. When they start asking you about what’s happening, then you make them feel guilty for not wanting you or doing more for you and just waiting to receive your love.
But also you need to understand them too, because sometimes they might be going through something and they don’t know how to express themselves at the moment. There should never be a dull moment when you are in love and in a relationship, and sometimes conflict serves as a boost mechanism for the relationship, but you shouldn’t let it fester for too long.
So when you love someone, love them the right way, love them with utmost sincerity, and also do yourself the favor — let your heart know you are being true to yourself. Not out of loneliness or some societal pressure, but out of a genuine comfort within your heart, don’t go comparing your partner to someone out there. Nurture what you have and if it isn’t going well you correct it, and help your partner figure out what needs to be done. And sometimes the answers are painfully obvious —men love chasing and women love being valued and complimented , but too often when we finally get the relationship we wanted we become boring, not taking care of our looks, and not complementing each other like when we were dating.
You must treat your relationships like it’s your career, like it’s something that you life depends on. But make sure you don’t lose yourself in something too complicated. Life is easy, we all just making it complicated with our adventures and desires, and then it gets twisted and hard. So keep it simple, there’s no fun out there chasing every possible opportunity, out of 7 Billion people in the world we only have to choose one. And when you do fall in love with someone, love them right and make them feel guilty about it. Such that when you leave, they’d become vulnerable and weak, that they can’t let go of you.
And as a matter of fact, there’s no wisdom when it comes to love, we’re all fools in it, blind and vulnerable creatures. Growing up had taught me that there’s always a way out, there’s always a solution, but the easiest is quitting and not doing our best for fighting for what we love the most.
So why don’t you try not taking the easy road for once. Try to teach someone how to love, or help them love again. Try to correct a wrong by loving them right.
